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About Literature / Artist Kaelyn M. SpiersUnited States Groups :iconexpose-lit: Expose-Lit
a lifeline in the lit labyrinth
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This has become a place I can go to when everything else is driving me crazy.  An escape.  I do miss the days when I was super involved here and always doing several different things, but lately I've felt myself slowing down in all areas of my life.  I'm not sure if that's really a bad thing.  The most stressful thing I ever have to deal with now is people being rude on Facebook, and I can sign off for a while (which I'm considering right now).  That, and trying to figure out life.  But that can't exactly be done in one sitting.

As of right now, I have had very little desire to write anything I could post here.  I have a few pieces planned for Flash Fiction Month, but that isn't until July.  I'm trying to work on a book, and I swear, no matter how much uplifting advice I read on it, I don't feel any more confident in my ability to get it done.  I'm pretty sure George R. R. Martin writes faster than I do.  Well, maybe not.  Point is, I'm moving at a glacial pace.  My interest in poetry has pretty much gone away for now.  I tend to go through phases where I mostly write either poetry or prose for a year or more at a time, and I guess right now I'm just in a prose stage.  I've considered writing memoir-ish things--maybe a bunch of short pieces that fit together.  I've been doing a lot of reflecting on my life so far and feeling like I need to put it into words, even if I don't end up showing it to very many people.

I'm moving into my new apartment on Wednesday and I'm really excited about it.  The town seems really nice (it's a smaller town, just a little bit further from Atlanta than where I grew up).  The people I've encountered there so far are really friendly and laid back.  It feels right for the pace at which I find myself moving through time right now.  I'm dressing more simply.  I'm eating more slowly.  I'm finding it easy to do one thing for hours at a time for the first time since... maybe high school, before I got depressed the last time.  (Has it really been that long?)  I'm getting rid of things and adopting a more minimalist lifestyle.  I'm sleeping a lot more, and not feeling guilty about sleeping in so late (I wake up around noon, because John's work schedule is 1:00 pm until midnight, and he usually has to stay a bit longer than that so by the time he gets home and we've gotten everything done that needs to get done, it's at least 3 in the morning, though getting to bed around 5 isn't uncommon).  I'm finding the idea of living in a Tiny House or an RV ridiculously appealing these days.  We're seriously considering it as a possibility for a year or two down the road.  We're spending this lease saving up as much money as possible, so we will no longer be living practically paycheck to paycheck.  We're expecting to come out ahead at the end of this month, which is... a first.

I keep feeling guilty about neglecting DeviantART and my friends here, though I talk to many of you elsewhere (especially those I've known for a long time).  I know I shouldn't, but I do.  I've known so many people who have moved on from this community, and I fear my time might be approaching, but I'm not ready to let go just yet.  This place has been a part of my life on and off for eight years, and it's still the easiest way I've found to explore new art and get feedback on my own.  Yet I feel like the part of my journey as a writer I'm at is the buckle-down-and-spend-eight-hours-a-day-on-this-thing-you-want-to-do-no-excuses-it's-your-job part.  I need to spend hours writing my stories and reading other ones.  I need to not let myself get distracted by things that don't matter.  I need to stop feeling bad that nothing is done and ready to publish, because really, there aren't even that many things I've posted here that I consider "done" that I'd even dream of sending off to be published somewhere they'd maybe pay me for it.

It's complicated, I guess.  I really appreciate all the friends I've made here for bearing with me.  I love you guys.  :heart:
  • Listening to: Piano Music
  • Reading: Nyctophobia - Christopher Fowler
  • Drinking: Gingerale
466 deviations
I made two discoveries this week.

1. A new kind of writing I enjoy: RPG campaign writing.  John and I are starting a Dungeons and Dragons group as soon as we get an apartment.  He'll be running our first campaign, but I told him I'd like to try when I've gotten a better handle on the rules and such.  So in the meantime, I'm writing the story and information about a world to play around in.  It's a lot like writing a fantasy story in the traditional sense, except a lot looser because the players ultimately decide what their characters want to do.  Working on it is relaxing.  Don't get me wrong, there's a lot to do and it will take hours upon hours of work, but it's a nice change of pace.

2. Thanks to attending conventions, I'm pretty much one degree of separation away from most of my favorite writers.  My dad recently recommended C.J. Cherryh to me, and we have four mutual friends on Facebook.  I saw freaking Larry Niven at DragonCon last year.  Didn't get to talk to him, but I was sitting a few feet away.  I got to meet Neil Gaiman once at a small event, and I almost got to meet George R. R. Martin last year at ConCarolinas in Charlotte.  I'm friends with a writer who's been nominated for a Hugo award.  He wrote a blog post recently about people who have criticized him for not being a "real fan" of science fiction, and one of the things he talked about was how many writers he was friends with before he ever got his first book published.  And I know it's a tough market, but I have this feeling I'm meant to be a part of it.  Someday.  Eventually.  First I have to actually finish a manuscript.

I've also been doing a lot of thinking (yeah, yeah, I know--bad idea) about my past and where I'm headed.  I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders now that I've decided not to finish college any time in the foreseeable future.  But part of me still feels like a failure, even though I've made a very conscious choice about it.  I'm not failing.  I'm choosing not to continue on a certain path.  But all my life, I've been force fed this idea that college (and education in general) is everything.  Women didn't use to be allowed to learn, so I had to do everything, and do it better than par.  I took a zillion AP classes in high school.  I learned chess and was the only girl in my middle school chess club.  I learned to play an instrument and became fluent in another language.  I did volunteer work and worked my ass off so I'd get good leadership positions in high school, which of course didn't happen, because I wasn't one of the cool kids, even if I was the most qualified.  All that, to get into a good college.  And I did, and I hated it, and I got severely depressed, so I dropped out, got married, and moved across the country and back again.  What do I have to show for it?  Not much.  But I guess life experience has to be good for something.

Meanwhile, most of the people I went to high school with who decided to pursue college will be graduating next month (if they haven't already).  A fair few of them will get fantastic job offers--or at least decent ones--and then get married and have kids all while maintaining a traditional, well-paying career.  Some will go on to further their education and someday they'll get to go by "Doctor" instead of "Mr." or "Mrs."  I won't be among them.  For my whole life up until this point, getting to be an intellectual was absolutely everything.  It's where I'd be happiest, where I'd find other people who think the way I do, and care as much as I do about words and the smell of old books and tweed jackets and junk.  But now?  I know that most of those people are pretentious as hell, and I'd rather hang out with other nobodies who are pretty smart but look like regular people on the surface.  Finding them is a challenge, but they do exist.  And one thing's for sure--you definitely don't need a college degree to write a book.  You just have to read a lot and write and rewrite and edit.  I can do that on my own time.
  • Listening to: Piano Music
  • Reading: Nyctophobia - Christopher Fowler
  • Drinking: Gingerale
118 deviations
I had somewhat of an epiphany the other day...

Literally all I want to do is arty stuff.

Write.  Paint.  Music.  Creative clothing choices.  Fun hair--oh, I dyed my hair black last week, just so ya know, and I'm getting it cut soon and hoping to dye the tips blue later on because who do I need to impress?

Life is way too short to do things for the wrong reasons.  Why did I want to go back to college?  I like learning stuff, and "I should probably figure out some way of making money, here, I'm an adult, what am I doing with my life?"

NO.  Money is NOT everything.

I just want to get a studio loft downtown (in a suburb of Atlanta for now, but who knows, maybe we'll move to the city itself in the future?), make delicious paninis and salads for lunch, play my flute JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO, and write a bunch (okay, and keep going to the gym, because I'm burning fat and feeling better and I have to keep going).  They say if you wanna go into the arts, you have to throw yourself in the deep end, and I think I'm finally ready to do it.

I'm not sure how dA is going to fit into it all yet, but I have no plans of leaving.  I'll probably keep posting poetry and maybe the occasional short story, but I'd like to save my best stuff for trying to get published (eek).  I'm not going to actively limit myself on what I write, but I'd like to start focusing on speculative fiction, because that's where my heart is.  I have too many ideas and I need to figure out how to focus on one of them and get it DONE.

But at least I'm happy.

And on my way to becoming a successful college drop-out.
  • Listening to: Regina Spektor
  • Reading: Nyctophobia - Christopher Fowler
  • Eating: Orange Peel Dark Chocolate
  • Drinking: All the life I'm drowning in
This has become a place I can go to when everything else is driving me crazy.  An escape.  I do miss the days when I was super involved here and always doing several different things, but lately I've felt myself slowing down in all areas of my life.  I'm not sure if that's really a bad thing.  The most stressful thing I ever have to deal with now is people being rude on Facebook, and I can sign off for a while (which I'm considering right now).  That, and trying to figure out life.  But that can't exactly be done in one sitting.

As of right now, I have had very little desire to write anything I could post here.  I have a few pieces planned for Flash Fiction Month, but that isn't until July.  I'm trying to work on a book, and I swear, no matter how much uplifting advice I read on it, I don't feel any more confident in my ability to get it done.  I'm pretty sure George R. R. Martin writes faster than I do.  Well, maybe not.  Point is, I'm moving at a glacial pace.  My interest in poetry has pretty much gone away for now.  I tend to go through phases where I mostly write either poetry or prose for a year or more at a time, and I guess right now I'm just in a prose stage.  I've considered writing memoir-ish things--maybe a bunch of short pieces that fit together.  I've been doing a lot of reflecting on my life so far and feeling like I need to put it into words, even if I don't end up showing it to very many people.

I'm moving into my new apartment on Wednesday and I'm really excited about it.  The town seems really nice (it's a smaller town, just a little bit further from Atlanta than where I grew up).  The people I've encountered there so far are really friendly and laid back.  It feels right for the pace at which I find myself moving through time right now.  I'm dressing more simply.  I'm eating more slowly.  I'm finding it easy to do one thing for hours at a time for the first time since... maybe high school, before I got depressed the last time.  (Has it really been that long?)  I'm getting rid of things and adopting a more minimalist lifestyle.  I'm sleeping a lot more, and not feeling guilty about sleeping in so late (I wake up around noon, because John's work schedule is 1:00 pm until midnight, and he usually has to stay a bit longer than that so by the time he gets home and we've gotten everything done that needs to get done, it's at least 3 in the morning, though getting to bed around 5 isn't uncommon).  I'm finding the idea of living in a Tiny House or an RV ridiculously appealing these days.  We're seriously considering it as a possibility for a year or two down the road.  We're spending this lease saving up as much money as possible, so we will no longer be living practically paycheck to paycheck.  We're expecting to come out ahead at the end of this month, which is... a first.

I keep feeling guilty about neglecting DeviantART and my friends here, though I talk to many of you elsewhere (especially those I've known for a long time).  I know I shouldn't, but I do.  I've known so many people who have moved on from this community, and I fear my time might be approaching, but I'm not ready to let go just yet.  This place has been a part of my life on and off for eight years, and it's still the easiest way I've found to explore new art and get feedback on my own.  Yet I feel like the part of my journey as a writer I'm at is the buckle-down-and-spend-eight-hours-a-day-on-this-thing-you-want-to-do-no-excuses-it's-your-job part.  I need to spend hours writing my stories and reading other ones.  I need to not let myself get distracted by things that don't matter.  I need to stop feeling bad that nothing is done and ready to publish, because really, there aren't even that many things I've posted here that I consider "done" that I'd even dream of sending off to be published somewhere they'd maybe pay me for it.

It's complicated, I guess.  I really appreciate all the friends I've made here for bearing with me.  I love you guys.  :heart:
  • Listening to: Piano Music
  • Reading: Nyctophobia - Christopher Fowler
  • Drinking: Gingerale

deviantID

SurrealCachinnation
Kaelyn M. Spiers
Artist | Literature
United States
Writing is my life. I am left-handed. I don't like most people, but I find all people endlessly fascinating. I'm the textbook definition of an INFJ, have an obsession with owls, and would give anything to be paid to travel the world and write about the places I see. Except my left hand, because I need that to write.
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:iconhopeburnsblue:
hopeburnsblue Featured By Owner Mar 8, 2015  Professional Writer
Thanks for the :+fav: on "Letters to Myself," Kaelyn! :iconheartglompplz:
Reply
:iconsurrealcachinnation:
SurrealCachinnation Featured By Owner Mar 10, 2015   Writer
You're very welcome, Mel! :heart:
Reply
:iconclockchat:
Clockchat Featured By Owner Nov 15, 2014
Hello! Thank you so much for making a favorite out of my deviation "Remover!" That was a looong time ago, but I've been practically extinct from dA up until yesterday, and couldn't recall if I had thanked you...Better safe than sorry! Thanks a plenty, friend!
Reply
:iconbetwixtthepages:
betwixtthepages Featured By Owner Oct 13, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
We all know you're wonderful, but in case you've forgotten for a moment, here's a reminder--

YOU DID SOMETHING AWESOME TODAY! 

:eager: by darkmoon3636 :squee: Party High-five! Party :squee: :eager: by darkmoon3636

To see what nice thing you've been accused of doing (and who else is being recognized), find the widget by the same name on my profile page!

Helpful hint:  It's above the Stamp Box of Doom!

Have a wonderful rest of your day!
Reply
:iconjade-pandora:
jade-pandora Featured By Owner Oct 2, 2014
:iconcakeplx: mmmm, Happy Birthday, Kaelyn! :lmao: "all 5 of you" 2 funny!
Reply
:iconsurrealcachinnation:
SurrealCachinnation Featured By Owner Oct 3, 2014   Writer
Thank you!  :giggle:
Reply
:iconautumnleaf167:
AutumnLeaf167 Featured By Owner Oct 2, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Happy birthday to you!
Reply
:iconsurrealcachinnation:
SurrealCachinnation Featured By Owner Oct 3, 2014   Writer
Thank you!  :heart:
Reply
:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Oct 2, 2014   General Artist
happy birthday, dolly :huggle: <3
Reply
:iconsurrealcachinnation:
SurrealCachinnation Featured By Owner Oct 3, 2014   Writer
Thank you so much, lovely!  :hug:
Reply
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