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Every woman owns one garment
that remains tucked away,
saved for special occasions
when it will be seen.

It is almost always midnight
black, or blood red, and
covered in lace, or made
of mesh, soft and delicate
as the skin it covers.

Such things should be hidden,
lest the owner be labeled
as something other than "lady."

It has a power we can't
control, one that transforms
denim and cotton clad
ragdolls into Barbies,

perfectly proportioned plastic,
smooth and flawless hourglasses
that turn on command.

We groan and flinch
as satin strings pull us
apart and together,
and heartstrings are plucked
as we scrutinize our reflection;

we are not diamonds
with perfect exteriors--
we are fractured, as we
realize hourglasses can be exchanged
for quartz watches that are
faster, more convenient,
incapable of failure
made by the obsolete.
An assignment, inspired by The White Dress by Lynn Emanuel.

Edited 11/28/12
(Hopefully) Final Edit 12/2/12

Original version read aloud by the talented =SilverInkblot : [link]

Featured by DailyLitDeviations: [link]
Thank you to =SilverInkblot for suggesting my piece, and to =DrippingWords for featuring it! :la:

Daily Deviation?!
OH. MY. GOD. Was this ever a pleasant surprise. I'm speechless. :faint:
Thank you so, so, so much to =AzizrianDaoXrak for suggesting and ^NicSwaner for featuring!
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Daily Deviation

Given 2012-11-29
Lingerie by ~SurrealCachinnation ( Suggested by AzizrianDaoXrak and Featured by Nichrysalis )
:iconilyilaice:
ilyilaice Featured By Owner Jul 12, 2014
I am loving your words. :heart:
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:iconsurrealcachinnation:
SurrealCachinnation Featured By Owner Jul 12, 2014   Writer
Thank you!  This poem is definitely one of my best.  :heart:
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:iconkinglorshi:
Kinglorshi Featured By Owner Feb 10, 2013  Student Writer
Wow. Beautiful writing and prose. Every passage seemed to stand it's own, each and every one had it's own power. One of my favourites.

This has... actually given me renewed hope in myself for some reason... I am very excited to read something this good! Genuine excitement as I read! :D:D:D:D:D:DD:D:DD

Like, damn.... This may not be a "happy" poem, but it sure is written well. I don't know if I can relate though, which is my fault, to an extent.

My only gripe is at the very end with the epiphany... I don't know if I personally am a fan of "by the way, this is how it is". I am unsure. The line "We are not diamonds with perfect exteriors -- we are fractured" just seems like a statement of "how it is", which I don't know... I need to re-read this on my account to probably get the whole thing.

But, despite my nitpicking, one of my favourite poems I have ever read on DA. That's actually not too much, but I cannot just say it...
Reply
:iconsurrealcachinnation:
SurrealCachinnation Featured By Owner Feb 12, 2013   Writer
Thank you so much! :la:

I appreciate the feedback, and I'm really, really glad you found it exciting! I'm pretty much done revising this because I originally wrote it for an assignment, and then it wound up getting a DLD and then a DD, and suddenly I had like a dozen short critiques written on it. :XD:
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:iconkinglorshi:
Kinglorshi Featured By Owner Feb 13, 2013  Student Writer
No problem.

I was troubled with the thought reading prose could never excite me, which is why, when I became excited here, that made me even happier. So this is quite a big piece for me.

Congratulations on the DD. I look forward to reading your other works.
Reply
:iconsurrealcachinnation:
SurrealCachinnation Featured By Owner Feb 13, 2013   Writer
Thanks so much! :aww:
Reply
:iconsilverinkblot:
SilverInkblot Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Hi there! Just a note to let you know I've featured this piece in my 2012 showcase of literature: [link] :D
Reply
:iconsurrealcachinnation:
SurrealCachinnation Featured By Owner Jan 24, 2013   Writer
Thank you so much! :la:

I'll check it out right now.

Sorry I was so late to respond.

But really, I can't tell you how much I appreciate it. :heart:
Reply
:iconmistressofquills:
MistressofQuills Featured By Owner Dec 25, 2012  Student Writer
I'm impressed with how you did this. In the first couple of stanzas, you almost convince the reader that this poem is going to be sexy and maybe even dirty, but then you completely turn it around and tell us that lingerie is not exactly a good thing. You make a statement about beauty and being a woman: that beautiful things do not make beautiful women....At least, that's what I got out of it and I loved it:aww:
Reply
:iconcassiecros13:
CassieCros13 Featured By Owner Dec 24, 2012  Student Writer
I haven't done many critiques before this, but this is amazing.

Beautiful and descriptive...I think you should keep the last two lines in as they make the last verse stronger unless you did want to replace them with something else, I don't know how you could replace them though.

I don't see much of a difference of the word choice of lady instead of woman, if you feel it enhances that line better you can add it, though reading it I don't feel or see much of a difference as a reader.

I really enjoyed this, a well deserved DD :)
Reply
:iconserenecyrene:
SereneCyrene Featured By Owner Dec 19, 2012  Student General Artist
Hello, your poetry has been featured here: [link] :)
Reply
:iconsurrealcachinnation:
SurrealCachinnation Featured By Owner Jan 24, 2013   Writer
Many thanks!

I'll check it out right now.

Sorry I've taken so long to respond.

I really, really appreciate it! :aww:
Reply
:iconserenecyrene:
SereneCyrene Featured By Owner Jan 24, 2013  Student General Artist
No problem! It's a beautifully written piece! :rose:
Reply
:iconchristianonfire7:
Christianonfire7 Featured By Owner Dec 12, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Congrats on the feature!!! :la:
Reply
:iconsurrealcachinnation:
SurrealCachinnation Featured By Owner Jan 24, 2013   Writer
Thanks! :heart:
Reply
:iconcodywolf:
CodyWolf Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2012
Amazing. Never heard a poem about clothing. Stunning job
Reply
:iconme-inator:
ME-inator Featured By Owner Nov 29, 2012
This is amazing! :love:
Reply
:iconsurrealcachinnation:
SurrealCachinnation Featured By Owner Dec 2, 2012   Writer
Thanks! :aww:
Reply
:iconmoon-crafter:
Moon-Crafter Featured By Owner Nov 29, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
This is most interesting. Kismet Kahrma Fate Smallworld I just do not know. As I was perusing the DD I see two lovely pictures of women possibly ladies more nymphes, whatever, clad in lingerie and here I was looking for a place to exibit my new creation of crocheted lingerie and was trying to figure out how to spell it. Then this work of art calls out and says read, see. Thank You Greatly for your help. I bow to your skills.
Reply
:iconsurrealcachinnation:
SurrealCachinnation Featured By Owner Dec 2, 2012   Writer
I'm glad you enjoyed it! :aww:
Reply
:iconinkedsilver:
InkedSilver Featured By Owner Nov 29, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Amazing. I don't usually pick up poetry, but I really like this one and hope to analyze it further in the future. All the following is just my initial perspective.

I don't know if you still need critiques/ opinions, but I'll try to respond to some of it:

1. I'm not sure about this one yet. I don't immediately understand what it means, but it sounds very poetic and I like the way that after the whole poem talks about the pretty, elegant side of women, there's this mention of "roughness" inside. I'll have to think more on it though.

2. "Garment" is really vague and I can understand why you don't want it in the opening line.
I read the poem twice, once envisioning a shirt I had that I've never worn because I'm saving it for my first date (>.<") and also a bit of "special lingerie" I have that I don't often wear. Both kind of worked, even though the title definitely tells the reader which kind of garment you were going for.
On that note, I completely agree with you for not changing it to a specific type of lingerie, because that level of specificity doesn't help the personal image.
Currently, I'm in favor of keeping it as garment though XD

3. Most probably a generational thing. I did think of "lady" as a replacement, and I personally like the word "lady" more, but in this case, "woman" is absolutely the stronger word. It resonates back to the first line for me in a way that "lady" simply wouldn't.

4. Hourglass. I like it. I like that it comes up again in different contexts, first being (I'm supposing) the body shape and the next time a time-keeping device. I don't get the use with the quartz watches...yet. I'll figure it out I think I'm getting an amorphous idea....
:iconsweatdropplz:

5. I like it. It makes me feel like a woman. I always think of myself as just a girl, and this really made me feel not like a student reading a poem for class but a woman reading a poem just because it looked cool.

Other:
Favorite lines are the second stanza, but that's not very fair because I love the way the whole things flows as a whole.

Absolutely amazing work. Congrats on the DD; definitely deserved. :+fav: and +:iconthinkingplz:
Reply
:iconsurrealcachinnation:
SurrealCachinnation Featured By Owner Dec 2, 2012   Writer
Thanks for taking the time to write such a great response! :heart:

1. It's meant to be open to interpretation, so I suppose it's a good thing you're having to think about it.

2. I decided to keep garment. I didn't want to be too specific because it'd defeat the purpose of the poem altogether, and I couldn't find a better word. So, garment it is.

3. I decided to change it to 'lady' for my portfolio because my professor strongly urged me to... for the long-term, I still haven't decided. I think I like 'woman' better.

4. Thanks!

5. That's fantastic. I'm really glad you enjoyed it. :la:
Reply
:iconinkedsilver:
InkedSilver Featured By Owner Dec 2, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Aw, thank you for sharing your work! And for replying! ;)

2. Great! I'm glad I picked up on the same train of thought.

3. Ooh, revising it for the portfolio. That's like tailoring it for the audience; makes sense. I suppose in the long-term it could be like an alternate version depending on which you use! :)

Thanks for sharing!
Reply
:iconsurrealcachinnation:
SurrealCachinnation Featured By Owner Dec 2, 2012   Writer
Sure thing! :aww:

3. Yep! I've heard of people doing that before, and while I like trying to please everyone in my revisions, I know it's utterly impossible. I just want my A. :giggle:
Reply
:iconinkedsilver:
InkedSilver Featured By Owner Dec 2, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
hahahah! In terms of college and class, that is kind of what matters in the end-all, isn't it? XD I understand that now haha :P Don't forget to please yourself with your writing; that's what's most important ;)
Reply
:iconsurrealcachinnation:
SurrealCachinnation Featured By Owner Dec 2, 2012   Writer
Absolutely! :XD:

And of course--I always try to write for myself. But I love writing things that make other people think and feel. :aww:
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:iconinkedsilver:
InkedSilver Featured By Owner Dec 2, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Ah, I grant you that. As a writer myself I agree that having other people enjoy your writing makes the piece a little more special. ^^
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:iconsurrealcachinnation:
SurrealCachinnation Featured By Owner Dec 2, 2012   Writer
Absolutely! :aww:
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:iconkmkaupins:
Kmkaupins Featured By Owner Nov 29, 2012
I don't like the hourglass thing at all, it takes away from the poem. If your going to talk about the garments and have that be the focus don't turn into technology. Maybe talk about rags in contrast to the lingerie. I understood that garment meant lingerie, I wouldn't change that if I were you. Changing woman to lady would be preferable, woman is just an adult female, lady leads you to think of a polite, refined person.
I liked the poem and was enjoying it until you started faltering with the hourglass part. It just feels forced.
Reply
:iconsurrealcachinnation:
SurrealCachinnation Featured By Owner Dec 2, 2012   Writer
My professor loved the hourglass bit, so it stays. I did write this for an assignment. :shrug:

I'm keeping garment, because I couldn't find a better word. I decided trying to be more specific would defeat the purpose of the poem, and no other word fit quite as well, plain as it may be.

I'm changing it to lady, at least for my portfolio. I'm still sort of debating it for the long-run... Responses I've gotten on that have been pretty much 50/50. I like the sound of 'woman' better, but 'lady' seems to leave no confusion.

Thanks for the feedback! :)
Reply
:iconsilverinkblot:
SilverInkblot Featured By Owner Nov 29, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Oh hello DD notice.

I may have clapped when I saw this in my footer :XD:
Reply
:iconsurrealcachinnation:
SurrealCachinnation Featured By Owner Nov 29, 2012   Writer
Hehehe. :giggle:

Thank you so much for all your support! :hug:
Reply
:iconthe-lost-hope:
The-Lost-Hope Featured By Owner Nov 29, 2012  Student General Artist
Congratulations on the Daily Deviation! :clap: First interesting poem. Now on the critique 1 I think they are pretty cool as they are but I'm not sure if I could help you replace them. 2 I think with the tittle the word "garments" is fine, however you may wish to change it to something a little more specific if your going to share it with the tittle. 3 I think women is okay but maybe lady would be better as lady normally refers to a higher class and women is just a grown female human. 4 the hourglass analogy is pretty neat I like how you compare it to a new watch like "trading up." 5 my first thoughts were something along the lines of wow this is so true. After that I thought how well it truly does fit, if you are not careful with that "garment" then no one will call you a real women or lady but other more horrid names.
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:iconsurrealcachinnation:
SurrealCachinnation Featured By Owner Dec 2, 2012   Writer
Thanks! :aww:

I appreciate your feedback. :)
Reply
:iconthe-lost-hope:
The-Lost-Hope Featured By Owner Dec 2, 2012  Student General Artist
You're very welcome, glad I could help. :D
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:iconiluvart88:
iluvart88 Featured By Owner Nov 29, 2012
great poem.
congrats on the DD
Reply
:iconsurrealcachinnation:
SurrealCachinnation Featured By Owner Dec 2, 2012   Writer
Thank you! :D
Reply
:iconashes-and-snowflakes:
Ashes-and-Snowflakes Featured By Owner Nov 29, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
One suggestion, though.
Instead of
"while our rough grains of sand may
stick to glass walls. "
Maybe do
"while our rough grains of sand
may stick to glass walls."
To give it some more flow?
Reply
:iconsurrealcachinnation:
SurrealCachinnation Featured By Owner Dec 2, 2012   Writer
I ended up cutting those lines altogether, but I do see your point. Thanks for the suggestion. :)
Reply
:iconashes-and-snowflakes:
Ashes-and-Snowflakes Featured By Owner Dec 6, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
You're welcome :)
Reply
:iconashes-and-snowflakes:
Ashes-and-Snowflakes Featured By Owner Nov 29, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I actually would prefer if you kept the last two lines. I viewed them as very unique, and they struck my interest. Those last two lines actually, in my opinion, really brought it together and I justloved them. But it IS your poem, do as you will :)
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:iconsurrealcachinnation:
SurrealCachinnation Featured By Owner Dec 2, 2012   Writer
I had to delete them because while I did like them, a lot of people I showed this to thought they stuck out TOO much... they thought they didn't quite go with what had already been said. It made perfect sense in my mind, but I tend to make odd mental leaps that people don't really follow. :XD:
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:iconashes-and-snowflakes:
Ashes-and-Snowflakes Featured By Owner Dec 6, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I'm the same way XD.I can understand how they could feel that way, though. I thought the were kind of "sudden" (as I put it at the time I read it) as well, but I did like them.
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:iconsurrealcachinnation:
SurrealCachinnation Featured By Owner Dec 6, 2012   Writer
Yeah. I think I liked them as individual lines, but they didn't quite mesh with the rest of the poem. :shrug:
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:iconinsomniasquared:
InsomniaSquared Featured By Owner Nov 29, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Beautiful.
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:iconsurrealcachinnation:
SurrealCachinnation Featured By Owner Dec 2, 2012   Writer
Thank you. :heart:
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:iconinsomniasquared:
InsomniaSquared Featured By Owner Dec 2, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
You're welcome!
Reply
:icongoddessofsong:
GoddessofSong Featured By Owner Nov 29, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I would prefer you keep woman instead of lady...lady just seems to imply weakness for some reason.

I really like this poem. It reflects experience and hardship with trying to fit to a certain image. The diamonds comparison was cool, it contrasts perfections as in the clarity of a diamond with the imperfections of human nature. But aren't diamonds more beautiful with the more fractures of light? Is a person more beautiful for being "broken" so to speak? The comparison to hourglasses is perfect...almost like a memento mori in a way. We as humans are easily broken, our time on this earth is fleeting as sand, but we cling to our vitality just like sand in an hourglass....

Maybe I'm getting too analytic and over thinking it. Great job for getting DD :)
Reply
:iconsurrealcachinnation:
SurrealCachinnation Featured By Owner Dec 2, 2012   Writer
I think I like woman better, but I'm changing it to lady, at least for my portfolio. In the long-run, I might stick with woman. :)

I'm so glad you enjoyed it! Those images and ideas are exactly what I was going for, and more. I'm glad this made you think. :aww:
Reply
:icongloommix:
Gloommix Featured By Owner Nov 29, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I think the poem is exquisite, classy and powerful. It seems very womanly, while I think the suggestion that owning lingerie would change our view of a woman is pure truth. I am impressed by, and in love with, this poem. I also think the hourglass analogy works wonderful. It's a new idea, and I think it was tied in perfectly. Good ideas, and nice execution.
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